Relationships - Rules of Attraction and Love
Learning about Love in a relationship
Can you remember your first ‘birds and bees’ lecture? If you are like most people, that’s about as far as your education went in terms of actually learning about why men and women get together in a relationship. Of course, as we get older, we realize that mummy and daddy came together in a relationship for more reasons than simply making little babies, usually being love. Yet our education fails to tell us how to navigate the most difficult and sometimes treacherous waters of relationships. Lost in the sea of love, we are left to cling to whatever pieces of information we can find, to give us some hint of how to get to the emotional and physical destination we desire. Yet, Cosmopolitan Sex Guides, pop songs, or religious sermons only seem to confuse rather than clarify the issue. Is it sex or is it love in a relationship? Is it fate or is it chance in a relationship? Is it nature or is it nurture in a relationship? Is it love for fools or the wise in a relationship? I would like to look at two dominant perspectives about the process of finding the right love relationship. These two perspectives are extremely different and show us the danger of assuming any universal laws about what makes a relationship work.
The Soul-Mate Relationship
The idea of the soul-mate originates in no one single tradition. It was present even in ancient Greece, when Aristotle once said ‘Love is composed of a single soul inhabiting two bodies’. In Christian traditions, this concept of soul-mate was another way to express the bonds of ‘eternal spiritual love’ which were part of the marriage ideal. This concept has also been developed within the modern new age tradition, which marries a belief in re-incarnation and karma with the idea of a twin soul. The principal idea behind the soul mate concept is that two souls reuniting is the highest form of relationship one can aspire to. The search for our perfect partner is in fact the search to return to ourselves more deeply. Cons - In some cases, the idea of the soul mate ideal can be very dis-empowering when people realize that no relationship lasts forever. Pros - The idea that finding our partner helps us to better understand ourselves is a very positive one. The real insight of soul mate relationship is to understand that all that we need is contained within ourselves. Finding a soul mate is really just sometimes like finding a mirror to find out who we really are.
Relationships without getting to know your partner first
The second tradtion I am going to mention is that of an arranged marriage. Lets not confuse this with forced marriage. Arranged marriages occur with the general agreement of all members of the family. This type of relationship involves no getting to know one another before embarking on a life together. Instead partners love for each other is said to grow day by day. Again there are both positives and negatives from this. The concept that partners love will grow can be very healthy and stop any misinterpreted hopes of grand romantic gestures etc that are shown to us in the movies. The negatives of this though are that unfortunately some parents use this as an opportunity for their own gains in family politics and do not have their childs best interests at heart.
Gathering information from these relationships
Hopefully, you aren’t now more confused than when you began reading this article. What we can learn from these examples is that we need to challenge our assumptions about what defines love and relationship. Too often, the movies and pop songs present romantic love as the only way in which a healthy and happy relationship can develop. Yet, when we look at different cultures and religions, we can see so many different varieties and experiences of love and relationship exist, which have facilitated millions of successful relationships. If we can open our minds to these different perspectives, then perhaps we could begin to let go of many expectations which can sometimes leave us feeling that we are somehow missing something from life.
